If you’re reading this chances are that you’ve spent the cumulation of 38 days playing Mario, whether it be his races, parties or his adventures in constant cock teasing from the princess. 

There’s a lot to learn from a brand that’s so prolific but if I had to choose one it’s the fact that the game usually has pretty sizable shortcuts. 

Mario 1 has it’s underworld system that you can hop over and shoot to level 4 then 5 and Mario 3 has it’s whistles and clouds. Mario 2 has… I have no idea what’s going on with that fucking game. 

But regardless of my ignorance on a Mario skinned Japanese game it seems to be a trend in all of them and most of us know about them.

I went back to play Mario 1 & 3 the other day and after beating the games using the shortcuts I realized something: It’s a hell of a lot more fun when you don’t skip anything. On my first play through on 1 I missed the underwater levels, which I actually really fucking hate but it still gives the games as a whole a nice variety. On 3, I finished the game in about an hour and felt this vapid sense that something was missing. That’s when I realized that I had missed the entire Giant World level. 

It’s by far my most favorite level in this entire franchise and I missed it because I was being a dick and floating around on that stupid tornado. And for what? So I could beat a game faster. I wasn’t being timed… No one hadstolen my daughter in Paris and was holding her hostage until I finished. Beating Mario as fast as you can is fun to try from time to time but let’s be honest, doing so means that you miss on everything that makes these games so great.

Lesson: Shortcuts are fun and all but it’s the journey is worth not using them.